Registry of Existential Status
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Check the current status of a public figure

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Status record

Naomi Osaka Sport

MARKED CORRECT, VANISHES UNTIL NEXT THURSDAY

Osaka 6-4, 6-4 over Question 14, which is still on the quiz sheet

Existence confidence provisional
A generated photo of an anonymous stranger. It is not the person named.
Naomi Osaka eats chips on a Santa Monica pier, bouncing one chip twice before each bite.
Location
Back room of a pub beside Flushing Meadows car park, under the dartboard
Currently
Serving aces at the answer sheet, round four
Last confirmed sighting
Beside the quiz master's raffle tickets, 9:40pm, between rounds three and four
Observations
Has been the answer to a question in seven pubs without leaving her racket bag.

Naomi Osaka has been absorbed into the Thursday quiz at a pub near Flushing Meadows and now appears only as the answer to question 14. Teams write her name down, she is marked correct, and she is gone until the following week. She is otherwise fine and keeps her visor on.

She is currently working on a serve that lands precisely inside the box marked 'Answer', and it is going well. Of the last 30 quizzes, 29 pencils have been broken by the force of it. The quiz master has asked her to stop bouncing the ball before each answer, but she says it is part of the routine.

The public keep asking whether she can be given as the answer to question 9 instead. She cannot, as 14 is her number, and she has made that clear with a look. They also ask if she minds the pork scratchings, and she does not, provided there is a towel.

Guidance for the public

Write her name in the box for 14 and do not ask for a replay.

Actual status (not satire) No death recorded as of 25 October 2026. Born 16 October 1997. Source: Wikidata

E&OE. The Registry accepts no liability for misclassification, temporal displacement or loss of personhood arising from this record. Photographs are computer-generated approximations and almost guaranteed to show a different person entirely.