Registry of Existential Status
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Status record

Emma Thompson Actor

RESTARTS COUNT AT 1982 AFTER GIFT-WRAP MIX-UP

"She's on tally forty-one thousand and has only reached 1988, love" — Thandi, taxi marshal

Existence confidence provisional
A generated photo of an anonymous stranger. It is not the person named.
Emma Thompson tests a sofa in a showroom, tapping the armrest twice with a walking stick, crisply unimpressed.
Location
Back seat of a minibus taxi, rank 7, Johannesburg, parked since lunchtime
Currently
Hand-counting every wart, scone and curtsey of her career
Last confirmed sighting
Adding a tick beside 'wrapped Joni Mitchell record', Thursday, 3:14 p.m.
Observations
Is legally 40% teaspoon in the county of Rutland, but only on Tuesdays.

Emma Thompson has been counting everything she has ever done, by hand, since breakfast. She sits on a folding stool beside a Johannesburg taxi rank with a clicker, a pencil and a flask of tea. So far she has counted 212 cups of tea, 9 scripts and one stick thumped on a floor.

"She asked me to hold the clipboard while she recounted the Nanny McPhee warts," said Sipho, a sandwich seller at rank 7. "She says there were three, but she keeps getting four. I just sell the sandwiches and nod."

A calculator was offered and politely refused, as it did not 'feel like the work'. An abacus was tried, but she kept wrapping it in tissue paper as a gift, and the count had to start again from 1982. Taxi drivers now hoot once for every hundred.

Guidance for the public

Do not interrupt the count; if asked to hold the clipboard, hold it.

Actual status (not satire) No death recorded as of 25 October 2026. Born 15 April 1959. Source: Wikidata

E&OE. The Registry accepts no liability for misclassification, temporal displacement or loss of personhood arising from this record. Photographs are computer-generated approximations and almost guaranteed to show a different person entirely.