José Mourinho
Lost: one confident aroma, last smelt between Soft Furnishings and Lamps, answers to 'Special'
- Location
- Third-floor lift of a furniture showroom outside Jönköping, Sweden, between Rugs and Bedding
- Currently
- Managing the mood of a lift, pressing every floor
- Last confirmed sighting
- Tuesday, 2:15pm, rising past Kitchen Islands with the doors open
- Observations
- Once argued with a wardrobe for forty minutes and was declared the winner by the wardrobe.
He is now a scent: wet overcoat, cold touchline, and a faint note of smug cedar. He drifts through the lifts of one Swedish showroom, mostly between floors two and three. Staff have named the effect 'the Press Conference'.
The local council has received nineteen complaints and twenty-three compliments. One shopper said the lift felt 'parked, like a bus, but in a good way'. Another asked politely that it stop explaining to the sofas why it was the best sofa-handler in the building.
He is scheduled to move to a second department store lift in Gothenburg from the 14th, then a tour of eleven escalators in the spring. Dates may change if he gets a better offer. Fans are asked to inhale briefly, then step out and shrug.
If you smell wet overcoat in Lighting, stay calm and do not argue about it.
Actual status (not satire) No death recorded as of 25 October 2026. Born 26 January 1963. Source: Wikidata
E&OE. The Registry accepts no liability for misclassification, temporal displacement or loss of personhood arising from this record. Photographs are computer-generated approximations and almost guaranteed to show a different person entirely.