Mark Carney
Item 7: members noted that the replacement bus will, on balance, remain at a rate of two stops an hour
- Location
- Aboard a replacement bus idling beside a Vienna bakery queue, between stops that do not exist
- Currently
- Rail replacement bus driver, issuing forward guidance on arrival times
- Last confirmed sighting
- Announcing a diversion over the tannoy at a bus bay outside Linz
- Observations
- Can adjust a bus timetable by a quarter point simply by clearing his throat.
Mark Carney is driving the 14:10 rail replacement bus between Vienna and a town the operator cannot name. Passengers say he stops at each red light and announces the likely duration of the delay, with a range. The bus has not been late once, as he refuses to call it a bus.
His statement was passed on through a pigeon that sits on the dashboard and had to be fed crusts first. 'Conditions are data dependent,' it read. 'Passengers should expect the next stop to arrive at a pace consistent with my mandate, and a small amount of transitory leg room.'
'He gave us all a laminated card saying when the bus would come, then a different card saying why it hadn't,' said Brenda, a dinner lady from Graz. 'I've never been so reassured about being stuck. He holds the wheel very steadily, like it's a podium.'
Do not ask when the bus will arrive; ask what he expects it to do.
Actual status (not satire) No death recorded as of 23 October 2026. Born 16 March 1965. Source: Wikidata
E&OE. The Registry accepts no liability for misclassification, temporal displacement or loss of personhood arising from this record. Photographs are computer-generated approximations and almost guaranteed to show a different person entirely.