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Status record

Jack Black Actor

MOSTLY SAND TRAP

Groundskeeper reports further disturbance involving musical equipment near the windmill

Existence confidence provisional
A generated photo of an anonymous stranger. It is not the person named.
Jack Black returns a library book to a drop box at a strip mall in Tempe, Arizona, holding the book aloft like an electric guitar, grinning with maximum intensity as a dog watches from the kerb.
Location
Near the Pocking recycling centre, Bavaria, directly behind the mini-golf course office
Currently
Raking bunkers at Alpenrose Mini-Golf, Re-Energiser Valley, fighting the music leak daily
Last confirmed sighting
Attempting to extract a Gibson guitar from the Bermuda grass behind hole seven, Tuesday dawn
Observations
Legally required to shout 'Tribute!' at precisely 4 p.m. each day, regardless of whether anyone is playing.

Jack Black has assumed the groundskeeping role at Alpenrose Mini-Golf, a nine-hole facility in the Pocking industrial estate near Munich. The appointment was made in good faith. However, his former musical output continues to manifest physically on the course, creating maintenance complications.

Course management has attempted isolation (cordoning hole six), drainage intervention (the water feature now hums an E-flat minor chord), and resurfacing of three greens. Each measure has failed because the music does not respond to standard turf treatment. A specialist from Stuttgart suggested ignoring it; Mr. Black wept at his guitar and the guitar wept back.

The public asks frequently whether this is permanent. It is not known. Whether he can stop playing is irrelevant; the course itself has learned the solos. The miniature castle on hole three is now equipped with screaming capabilities. This is being investigated but not, at present, remedied.

Guidance for the public

Do not approach the course during rainfall or between 4 and 4:03 p.m. daily.

Actual status (not satire) No death recorded as of 22 October 2026. Born 28 August 1969. Source: Wikidata

E&OE. The Registry accepts no liability for misclassification, temporal displacement or loss of personhood arising from this record. Photographs are computer-generated approximations and almost guaranteed to show a different person entirely.