Registry of Existential Status
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Status record

Chris Pratt Actor

TAKES MIXTAPE QUESTIONS FROM BACK OF WARDROBE

Showroom open Tuesday to Sunday, Star-Lord available for questions about the mixtape until half past four

Existence confidence provisional
A generated photo of an anonymous stranger. It is not the person named.
Chris Pratt eats a sausage roll in a Vienna bakery queue, calmly raising one palm to a staring toddler.
Location
Behind the winter coats, Narnia-style wardrobe, showroom beside an Edinburgh launderette
Currently
Hosting a mixtape listening session for the showroom's wardrobes
Last confirmed sighting
Third shelf, bottom drawer, humming Everything Is Awesome to a flat-pack
Observations
Can calm a raptor, a toddler or a spin cycle by raising one palm.

The subject now lives at the back of a three-door oak wardrobe in a furniture showroom beside a launderette in Edinburgh. He has kept up his working life from there, rehearsing lines between the hangers. Opening hours are posted on a hanger tag.

"I sell beds, not wardrobes with a leading man in them," said Fiona, a showroom assistant. "He knocked twice on the back panel, asked if I wanted to hear a mixtape, and then played it on a Walkman. The wardrobe has never sounded better."

Staff have since recorded a cassette labelled Awesome Mix, a raised palm that stopped the tumble dryers next door, and a hanger arranged into the shape of a raptor.

Guidance for the public

Please knock twice on the wardrobe before asking for a song.

Actual status (not satire) No death recorded as of 22 October 2026. Born 21 June 1979. Source: Wikidata

E&OE. The Registry accepts no liability for misclassification, temporal displacement or loss of personhood arising from this record. Photographs are computer-generated approximations and almost guaranteed to show a different person entirely.