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Status record

Gary Lineker Football

OFFSIDE BY INCHES

Warning: model village referee may pause indefinitely at pavilion

Existence confidence provisional
A generated photo of an anonymous stranger. It is not the person named.
Gary Lineker stacks plastic chairs after a meeting at the campsite café in the Dordogne, holding each one at arm's length to assess its alignment with the others before placement.
Location
The corrugated shelter beneath Maas-rijnhaven underpass, Rotterdam, between a flooded model cricket pitch and restored HO-gauge railway junction
Currently
Analysing disputed micro-goals between Tudor farmstead and windmill, week four, footage pending
Last confirmed sighting
Frozen mid-gesture over a six-inch goal line, Tuesday, still holding position
Observations
Has personally worn down the grass to dirt on a 1:76 scale football field by pacing its touchline.

Gary Lineker has taken employment as chief referee and restoration consultant at the Miniland Rotterdam reconstruction, a 4,000-square-metre working replica built into a disused warehouse complex. He arrived on contract in August and has not yet progressed past the model village's central sports ground, now the site of an unresolved offside dispute between the cottage district and the harbour quarter.

He is currently examining a disputed goal involving a two-inch ceramic footballer and a goal line marked in sanded birch. Frame-by-frame analysis of the automated replay system has consumed three weeks. The investigation is thorough but static: he remains crouched over the pitch with a magnifying glass and a biro, occasionally widening his fingers to indicate marginal distances to the watching crowds of schoolchildren.

The initial plan to rotate him between five model pitches failed when he would not leave the first one. Bringing in external arbitration made no difference—he simply held up both hands to show the referee where he was wrong. Attempts to advance him to the model courthouse have been abandoned. He is expected to remain at this location indefinitely or until a decision is reached, whichever comes first.

Guidance for the public

Members of the public should not attempt to hurry any decision-making at the Rotterdam location.

Actual status (not satire) No death recorded as of 22 October 2026. Born 30 November 1960. Source: Wikidata

E&OE. The Registry accepts no liability for misclassification, temporal displacement or loss of personhood arising from this record. Photographs are computer-generated approximations and almost guaranteed to show a different person entirely.