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Status record

Daniel Craig Actor

LAMINATED SIGN HOLDS, FABRIC ENDURES FLOOD

Correction: He has not left the vicinity.

Existence confidence provisional
A generated photo of an anonymous stranger. It is not the person named.
Daniel Craig inspects a microwave instruction manual at a convenience store in Osaka, holding it at arm's length with the focused intensity of someone decoding classified intelligence.
Location
Circular green near the Thames flood barrier, Woolwich
Currently
Tent resident on a roundabout, still taking driving consultations
Last confirmed sighting
Tuesday morning, removing moisture from the canvas with a chamois
Observations
Can identify a martini's exact specifications purely from the shape of its condensation

Daniel Craig has established a permanent residence on the roundabout adjacent to the Thames flood barrier near Woolwich, operating from a regulation camping tent erected on the eastern quadrant. His property consists of a folding table, a canvas chair, and a small laminated sign reading 'Driving Consultations'. The tent has held for six weeks without incident.

'I was delivering post to the nearby office park,' said Sheila Montford, 58, a postal worker, 'and I noticed him there every Tuesday and Thursday, studying the traffic patterns. He'd make notes on how vehicles approached the roundabout, then walk the perimeter. Very methodical. Very quiet.'

Observed at the tent: a leather-bound notebook filled with annotated traffic diagrams, a silver flask containing dry vermouth and a handwritten roster of eighteen different roundabout traffic sequences memorized by day and hour.

Guidance for the public

If approaching the Woolwich roundabout, reduce speed and observe the tent carefully.

Actual status (not satire) No death recorded as of 22 October 2026. Born 2 March 1968. Source: Wikidata

E&OE. The Registry accepts no liability for misclassification, temporal displacement or loss of personhood arising from this record. Photographs are computer-generated approximations and almost guaranteed to show a different person entirely.