Cilla Black
Is she still in there?
- Location
- Just outside Liverpool, in a revolving door at the Pier Head, turning
- Currently
- N/A
- Last confirmed sighting
- Waving from the rotating glass, Tuesday afternoon, still talking
- Observations
- Has trained a pigeon to press the door button at intervals, creating a predictable schedule for her appointments.
Cilla Black remains operational within a four-chamber revolving door installed at the Pier Head in Liverpool as of March this year. She entered to check a hinge and has not left. Her regular guests navigate the rotation with varying degrees of coordination; most have learned to time their arrival to catch her on the outward-facing quarter.
She continues her matchmaking work, though the geography has changed. Clients book fifteen-minute slots and rotate through alongside her, a system she has refined to seven consistent revolutions per session. She reports that the moving environment has improved her success rate: couples who can maintain conversation through three full rotations, she insists, will survive anything.
'I work in the building across the road,' says Derek, a heating engineer, 'and she's always there. Waving at people. Making notes on a clipboard. Last week she tried to set up two accountants who came through at the same time. They're getting married in June. She absolutely insisted on it through the glass.'
Do not attempt to reverse the rotation or you will inconvenience everyone scheduled for the afternoon.
Actual status (not satire) Died 1 August 2015, aged 72. Source: Wikidata
E&OE. The Registry accepts no liability for misclassification, temporal displacement or loss of personhood arising from this record. Photographs are computer-generated approximations and almost guaranteed to show a different person entirely.