Check the current status of a public figure

Andy Burnham was located over Denmark last week, standing on a hire bicycle in the rain. The precipitation had begun speaking in his voice, articulating long-standing grievances about central government funding allocations and the need for greater northern autonomy. Passers-by reported coherent policy statements falling as drizzle near the Carlsberg brewery.

Copenhagen's council has received forty-three formal complaints about the tone of recent rainfall, and seven commendations for its precision. The complaints cite inappropriate vocabulary during school sports days; the commendations note that the rain now clearly explains its own necessity in terms Copenhagen residents can follow. One alderman reports the weather has filed a formal request for devolved budgeting powers.

Burnham is currently attempting to extract his advocacy apparatus from the Danish atmospheric system. Progress is slow. He has identified the source of the problem in a low-pressure system near Malmö, but the weather insists on delivering his closing remarks before relinquishing his intonation. He expects recovery by autumn, or the following budget cycle, whichever comes first.