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Status record

Joe Root

NOW WORKS BEACH, SIX DONKEYS IN CHARGE

Is a seaside donkey handler also a batter? Yes.

Existence confidence provisional
A generated photo of an anonymous stranger. It is not the person named.
Joe Root practises a reverse scoop with a rolled-up newspaper in a school sports hall while a dog watches.
Location
Beach car park behind a Brussels hotel conference room, between two deckchairs
Currently
Donkey handler, facing the first ride of the season
Last confirmed sighting
Leading donkey number four to the shoreline, Tuesday, low tide
Observations
Can play a reverse scoop to a gust of wind and score three.

Joe Root now works the sand at a small seaside resort, in charge of six donkeys and a laminated rota. He took the job in March. He says the hours suit him, as he is used to standing about in a white jumper all day.

He is currently teaching the donkeys to take the beach in orderly fashion, and it is going steadily. Each one walks twelve yards, stops, and is nudged on with a gentle off-spin wrist flick of the lead rope. Biscuit, the oldest, has played a reverse scoop with her ears twice.

Children on the promenade now queue in batting order and shout 'Rooty' whenever a donkey turns left. The ice cream kiosk has moved its bin to fine leg. Local deckchair attendants have started taking guard before sitting down, and report a more settled mood on the sand.

Guidance for the public

Please pass donkeys on the leg side and do not appeal.

Actual status (not satire) No death recorded as of 22 October 2026. Born 30 December 1990. Source: Wikidata

E&OE. The Registry accepts no liability for misclassification, temporal displacement or loss of personhood arising from this record. Photographs are computer-generated approximations and almost guaranteed to show a different person entirely.