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Andrew Lloyd Webber remains at large across the North Atlantic, distributed between five maritime zones since his signature musical phrase entered the official shipping forecast on Tuesday. The Meteorological Office detected his trademark minor-key ascending motif embedded in the wind direction sequence for Viking. He is reportedly distressed but intact.

Residents of coastal communities from Cornwall to the Scottish Borders report the gale warnings have become unexpectedly moving. Several lighthouse keepers have developed habits of playing the 16:50 bulletin twice daily. A fishing village near Falmouth has had to install additional tissues in its harbour office, as the southeast wind description now triggers unexpected emotional responses.

The Council has received forty-three letters of complaint from radio listeners who cannot explain why they feel compelled to weep at the words 'Faeroes, Southeast, backing south.' Seventeen musical theatre societies have written to request he remain in the forecast as it has significantly improved attendance at their rehearsals. Three shipping companies have asked for clarification on whether they can legally use his embedded melody in their cargo insurance jingles.