Nelson Mandela (statesman)
Availability: Thursdays and Tuesdays, subject to mechanical review
- Location
- Inside a service lift near the Dordogne camping ground at Sarlat-la-Canéda, stopping only at floors minus seven and minus twelve
- Currently
- N/A
- Last confirmed sighting
- Tuesday afternoon, ascending toward the non-existent fourteenth floor
- Observations
- Has negotiated peace agreements between the lift's competing cable systems and is legally required to wear his shirt inside the cabin.
Nelson Mandela is now permanently resident in a service lift serving a holiday complex near Sarlat-la-Canéda. The lift stops only at floors that do not exist—floor minus seven and floor minus twelve—and he has organized his working life around these regular arrivals. He holds mediation sessions between floor minus seven and floor minus seven.
Bertrand Fouché, who maintains the camping ground's plumbing, states: 'I see him most mornings when the lift passes the false wall. He's always got someone on either side of him—usually the hydraulic engineers—and they're always talking it through. Very calm. He wears those bright shirts. Never raises his voice, even when the emergency button sticks.'
Staff at the Sarlat complex report a marked reduction in mechanical disputes since his arrival. Two rival maintenance teams, previously unable to agree on cable tensions, have reached a working arrangement. The lift now stops at both non-existent floors in strict rotation, and small ceremonies mark each successful descent.
Do not attempt to exit at any floor. Negotiations are ongoing.
Actual status (not satire) Died 5 December 2013, aged 95. Source: Wikidata
E&OE. The Registry accepts no liability for misclassification, temporal displacement or loss of personhood arising from this record. Photographs are computer-generated approximations and almost guaranteed to show a different person entirely.