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Status record

John Major Politics

SLOWLY OFFSHORE

Major still answers parliamentary questions; pedalo now 340 miles south-southeast

Existence confidence provisional
A generated photo of an anonymous stranger. It is not the person named.
Major reviews constituency correspondence at a picnic table in fading light, grey suit jacket folded precisely beside him, tie still knotted despite salt spray.
Location
Somewhere off Key West, though originally launched from near Huntingdon
Currently
Chairing select committee sessions via waterproof telephone, drifting southeast
Last confirmed sighting
Adjusting rigging near a fishing buoy, consulting tide tables with a briefcase open
Observations
Can calculate parliamentary majorities in his sleep, which he does, loudly, drifting.

John Major continues to discharge his duties from a hired pedalo that departed the Huntingdon Marina on Tuesday and has since drifted considerably further than anticipated. The vessel, secured with four industrial anchors and a rope system he designed himself, contains a filing system, a telephone box and a small Union Jack. Major remains in good spirits and maintains his schedule of constituent visits by letter.

Local residents of the Tampa Bay area report mild disruption during his twice-daily radio broadcasts, particularly between 3 and 4 p.m. when his signal is strongest. The Coast Guard has been instructed not to intervene. A significant portion of the evening tide now carries his voice inland, much to the surprise of drivers on nearby highways.

'I've been managing the inlet here for eighteen years,' says Derek Pullman, assistant harbormaster. 'Every afternoon at half-three you get this chap discussing the cricket scores and local governance, very measured, very polite, from about two miles out. We've stopped expecting him back. He seems to have worked out the currents better than we have.'

Guidance for the public

Do not attempt to deliver mail to the pedalo. Correspondence should be sent to his office in Huntingdon.

Actual status (not satire) No death recorded as of 22 October 2026. Born 29 March 1943. Source: Wikidata

E&OE. The Registry accepts no liability for misclassification, temporal displacement or loss of personhood arising from this record. Photographs are computer-generated approximations and almost guaranteed to show a different person entirely.