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Status record

Ewan McGregor Actor

ARRIVED TUESDAY, CARDBOARD MOS EISLEY RISING

FOUND: Life-size Tatooine settlement, cardboard construction, partially structural

Existence confidence provisional
A generated photo of an anonymous stranger. It is not the person named.
Ewan McGregor extends one gloved hand toward his car while holding a laser-guided price-check scanner like a lightsabre, standing in an Adelaide supermarket car park.
Location
The public library on Kallio Street in Helsinki, basement level, eastern corner by the stacks
Currently
Building a full-scale replica of Mos Eisley from damp cardboard, week five
Last confirmed sighting
Thursday 14:20, measuring joist angles with a spirit level and a very worried expression
Observations
Can hear a cardboard sheet's grain direction by touch alone, accurate to within two millimetres.

Ewan McGregor is currently constructing a full-size replica of Mos Eisley spaceport from water-damaged cardboard in the basement storage facility of Kallio Library. The structure has reached the two-storey mark, despite considerable structural complaints from the building's management. He arrived on Tuesday with a single suitcase, a detailed architectural drawing, and a sanding block.

Progress has been steady. Monday 09:15 saw him collecting offcuts from a printing warehouse near Hakaniemi. Wednesday 16:45 he was observed reinforcing the landing platform with industrial staples. Thursday morning he requested an extension to his work hours. By Friday he was already planning modifications to the eastern wall, something about the light source not matching his memory of the original filming location.

The public continues to ask whether the cardboard will support its own weight (structural engineers consulted so far have given conflicting answers). Several people have inquired whether this is for a film project (it is not, apparently, though he keeps discussing focal lengths and sight lines with himself). The most frequent question is whether he intends to stay in Helsinki until it is finished. He has not ruled it out.

Guidance for the public

Members of the public should avoid the eastern basement stairwell until further notice.

Actual status (not satire) No death recorded as of 22 October 2026. Born 31 March 1971. Source: Wikidata

E&OE. The Registry accepts no liability for misclassification, temporal displacement or loss of personhood arising from this record. Photographs are computer-generated approximations and almost guaranteed to show a different person entirely.