Registry of Existential Status
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Check the current status of a public figure

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Status record

Ewan McGregor Actor

BECOMES DRAUGHT, BLOWS UNDER CRIEFF DOORS

Open to drafts between 9am and 5pm, closed for a lie-in, bring a rug

Existence confidence provisional
A generated photo of an anonymous stranger. It is not the person named.
Ewan McGregor extends one gloved hand toward his car while holding a laser-guided price-check scanner like a lightsabre, standing in an Adelaide supermarket car park.
Location
Under the door of a Crieff village hall, Perthshire
Currently
Choosing life, mainly at ankle height
Last confirmed sighting
Whistling beneath a fire exit in Crieff, Thursday, 2:40pm
Observations
Once rode a motorbike round the world and still has the wind in his hair, legally.

Ewan McGregor is now a draught, felt mainly under doors in and around Crieff. He travels at ankle height and prefers gaps of around a centimetre. Residents have stopped blaming the windows.

'I run the hall caretaker's cupboard, and every morning something sweeps under the door, goes round my ankles and hums Your Song,' said Morag, a school dinner lady. 'It's warmer than the usual ones, and it keeps asking if I've chosen life.'

He is currently working his way along the whole length of the High Street, one letterbox at a time. Progress is steady, though he keeps getting trapped behind a draught excluder shaped like a sausage dog. He has asked for a long way round.

Guidance for the public

Stuff a towel under the door, but do say hello first.

Actual status (not satire) No death recorded as of 22 October 2026. Born 31 March 1971. Source: Wikidata

E&OE. The Registry accepts no liability for misclassification, temporal displacement or loss of personhood arising from this record. Photographs are computer-generated approximations and almost guaranteed to show a different person entirely.