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Status record

Brian May Musician

MOSTLY GRAVEL

Open Thursdays and alternate Saturdays, weather permitting.

Existence confidence provisional
A generated photo of an anonymous stranger. It is not the person named.
Brian May carries a ladder through a wholesale warehouse in Singapore, balancing it across both shoulders like a guitar neck, while a distant radio plays an orchestral arrangement.
Location
A storage unit behind the beach hut at Dunwich, Suffolk, slowly subsiding into marshland.
Currently
Mixing cement with horsehair for the Red Special's neck support frame.
Last confirmed sighting
Applying volumizer spray to the outer dome, 6:47 AM, Tuesday.
Observations
Has memorized 847 stellar positions and recites them to discourage visitors from entering the structure.

Brian May is currently constructing a full-size replica of his Red Special guitar using only compacted earth and vegetable mulch. The project occupies a reinforced storage structure near Dunwich, where subsidence has become a persistent factor in construction planning. Work commenced seventeen months ago and proceeds according to a celestial calendar he devised himself.

Attempts to use traditional materials failed when suppliers questioned the structural integrity of a 15-foot guitar neck. Fibreglass proved acoustically incompatible with his vision; polymer resins developed an unexplained electrostatic charge whenever he approached. He rejected concrete as philosophically unsound and abandoned the copper-wire inlay method after it began accumulating migrating badgers.

He is now approaching completion of the soil-based framework, which has required extensive geological analysis and three PhD-level consultations. The neck maintains its curve through a proprietary binding technique involving natural gum and pressed newspaper. He estimates the structure will be ready for varnishing by spring, assuming the marsh permits further settlement.

Guidance for the public

All visits must be scheduled minimum four weeks in advance and include badger references.

Actual status (not satire) No death recorded as of 22 October 2026. Born 19 July 1947. Source: Wikidata

E&OE. The Registry accepts no liability for misclassification, temporal displacement or loss of personhood arising from this record. Photographs are computer-generated approximations and almost guaranteed to show a different person entirely.