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Status record

Anton Du Beke Dancer

DODGEMS QUEUE IN PROMENADE FOR HIM

Fairground ballroom: Du Beke 3, Waltzer 2, queue goes home dizzy but elegant

Existence confidence provisional
A generated photo of an anonymous stranger. It is not the person named.
Anton Du Beke arranges shirts on hangers at a cricket pavilion in Maidstone, twelve minutes after the scheduled close, his arms positioned as if leading an invisible partner through the final frame.
Location
Beside a coin car wash in Nevada, between the Waltzer and a bucket
Currently
Waltzer operator, insisting every spin finishes in hold
Last confirmed sighting
Behind the Waltzer controls, announcing a quickstep to a bewildered family of four
Observations
Can tell the time of day purely by how well a carousel is doing its foxtrot.

Anton Du Beke has taken a job operating the Waltzer at a travelling fairground pitched beside a coin car wash outside Reno. He wears a tailcoat over the regulation hi-vis and greets each rider with a small bow. The cars have begun to rotate in strict three-four time.

On Monday at 11:00 he tried to start the ride and it began a slow foxtrot instead. By Wednesday at 14:30 the dodgems were queuing in a promenade. On Friday at 18:15 the whole fairground stopped for a pause, and the candyfloss stall was awarded a seven.

Management has asked him to use the standard lever, but he will only offer a hand to it. A louder generator was tried, and the ride simply moved to the beat of it. Riders have been given sick bags and a sequin, neither of which has helped.

Guidance for the public

Please hold on, keep your feet in time, and do not applaud until the ride has stopped.

Actual status (not satire) No death recorded as of 22 October 2026. Born 20 July 1966. Source: Wikidata

E&OE. The Registry accepts no liability for misclassification, temporal displacement or loss of personhood arising from this record. Photographs are computer-generated approximations and almost guaranteed to show a different person entirely.