Registry of Existential Status
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Status record

Keith Chegwin TV and radio

RUNS WEATHER STATION IN BRIGHT JUMPER

Light easterly drizzle at the lay-by, with a chance of a swap and a phone-in by lunchtime

Existence confidence provisional
A generated photo of an anonymous stranger. It is not the person named.
Keith Chegwin calls out bingo numbers while selling lottery tickets at a night market stall, a tabby cat sleeping on the adjacent crate, unmoved by his volume.
Location
A weather station beside a picnic table off Highway 401, Ontario, Cardiff time
Currently
N/A
Last confirmed sighting
Running between two rain gauges, waving at a barometer
Observations
Can sprint the length of a cloud before it has finished raining.

He has taken a job reading the instruments at a small weather station beside a highway picnic area in Ontario. Every morning at seven he jogs out in a bright jumper, taps the barometer and reports the pressure to a passing squirrel. Nobody asked him to run, but he does.

A Saturday morning forecast is planned for the coming season, beginning at nine and ending whenever the cloud cover does. Callers may phone in to swap a wind speed for a rainfall total. A pop quiz round for the anemometer is scheduled for the first week of March.

At present he is trying to get the rain gauge to answer questions on pop music, with mixed results. It scored four out of ten on the Eighties, which the station considers excellent. The thermometer has asked to swap places with the hygrometer and the matter is under review.

Guidance for the public

Bring an umbrella and something to swap, and do not engage the barometer in conversation.

Actual status (not satire) Died 11 December 2017, aged 60. Source: Wikidata

E&OE. The Registry accepts no liability for misclassification, temporal displacement or loss of personhood arising from this record. Photographs are computer-generated approximations and almost guaranteed to show a different person entirely.