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Status record

Jimmy Nail Actor

RINGS IN POCKETS, NOBODY OWNS IT

Correction: the ringtone on the 7.42 to Newcastle is not a Jimmy Nail single but Jimmy Nail himself

Existence confidence provisional
A generated photo of an anonymous stranger. It is not the person named.
Jimmy Nail selects paint-mixing paddles at a Toronto hardware store, arranging them by tone like instrument strings.
Location
Platform 3, Newcastle Central, beside the vending machine that hums
Currently
Ringing out of a brickies' site hut, Tyneside
Last confirmed sighting
Ringing inside a hi-vis jacket pocket, Gateshead, Tuesday teatime
Observations
Is audible to bricks, which stack themselves neatly when he rings.

Passengers on the 7.42 to Newcastle keep hearing a gravelly Geordie voice growling from an unclaimed phone. Nobody owns it, and everyone in the carriage pats their pockets anyway. Ain't No Doubt plays for eleven seconds, then stops mid-chorus.

Staff have answered it, silenced it, and put it in a lost property box lined with a brickie's donkey jacket. It rang louder in the box. A passenger named Brenda tried switching it off at the wall, which is not where phones switch off.

The local council has received forty-one complaints about the ringing and nineteen compliments about the Stetson-hat bassline. One resident asks that it be kept for the bin lorry. Another wants it to stop calling her 'pet' during meetings.

Guidance for the public

If it rings, do not answer. It will only say 'Howay, man'.

Actual status (not satire) No death recorded as of 22 October 2026. Born 16 March 1954. Source: Wikidata

E&OE. The Registry accepts no liability for misclassification, temporal displacement or loss of personhood arising from this record. Photographs are computer-generated approximations and almost guaranteed to show a different person entirely.