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Status record

Jeremy Paxman TV and radio

RAIN CLOUDS INTERROGATE ORCHARDS OVER SOMERSET

Raised eyebrow forms over Somerset at 4pm, repeats same question until noon

Existence confidence provisional
A generated photo of an anonymous stranger. It is not the person named.
Jeremy Paxman reads the back of a cereal box in a Cape Town back garden, holding a cup of tea and staring at it as if it has just contradicted itself.
Location
Cloud bank above a back garden washing line, Cape Town, drifting north-east
Currently
Re-interviewing cumulus clouds until one answers properly
Last confirmed sighting
Above a Somerset cider orchard, glaring at a cumulus
Observations
Once outstared a lunar eclipse until it apologised and went back to being round.

Over Somerset, the clouds have taken on the shape of a single raised eyebrow, visible from the A361 every afternoon. Gillian, who hangs washing out near Glastonbury, says the sky pauses before each shower and then asks it again. The man himself is on a stepladder in a field, trying to get it back.

The public keep asking whether the clouds will answer the question, and the answer is no, not directly. They are also asking if the rain is a follow-up, which it is, and whether it will stop, which depends on whether anyone gives a straight reply. Callers are advised that 'Fingers on buzzers' is not a forecast.

He addresses the cumulus with a folded newspaper and repeats the question until it drifts off embarrassed. A stern stare has been used to part one nimbus, which then reformed as a sceptical frown. Starters for ten are being issued to cirrus at ten past the hour, and no cloud has yet got a bonus.

Guidance for the public

Do not say 'um' to the sky; it will ask again.

Actual status (not satire) No death recorded as of 22 October 2026. Born 11 May 1950. Source: Wikidata

E&OE. The Registry accepts no liability for misclassification, temporal displacement or loss of personhood arising from this record. Photographs are computer-generated approximations and almost guaranteed to show a different person entirely.