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Status record

James May TV and radio

SITS IN NEXT ROOM, HERON DRIVES INSTEAD

Public are asked not to hurry the heron, which is learning to drive very slowly

Existence confidence provisional
A generated photo of an anonymous stranger. It is not the person named.
James May cleans a barbecue at Keflavik regional airport, holding the grill brush with the same deliberation he would apply to a carburettor needle.
Location
Beside a leisure centre foyer in Cardiff, in the vending machine alcove
Currently
Teaching a heron to drive slowly, week six
Last confirmed sighting
Explaining a roundabout to a heron, Tuesday, 4.15pm, drizzle
Observations
Once explained a cul-de-sac so thoroughly it was given a longer road.

The leisure centre in Cardiff has asked visitors to give way to a grey heron standing in the foyer with a cushion on its seat. It is the chosen replacement for James May, who is fine and has simply gone to sit in the next room. The heron has been issued a flask.

"I mop that foyer every morning, and I've never seen a bird indicate before turning," said Dennis, a cleaner at the centre. "It stopped at the automatic doors and waited for about forty minutes, which I gather is the correct amount. Then a man came out and apologised to it."

Mr May is currently teaching the heron to take a corner at eleven miles an hour while talking about gearboxes. Progress is steady: the bird can now reverse into a bay and stare at a dashboard, though it still lunges at the fish tank by reception. Tea breaks are going extremely well.

Guidance for the public

Give way to the heron, do not hoot, and offer the driver a biscuit.

Actual status (not satire) No death recorded as of 22 October 2026. Born 16 January 1963. Source: Wikidata

E&OE. The Registry accepts no liability for misclassification, temporal displacement or loss of personhood arising from this record. Photographs are computer-generated approximations and almost guaranteed to show a different person entirely.