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Status record

Cristiano Ronaldo Football

LEAPS FROM BALLOON, HEADS SANDBAGS TO MADEIRA

Wanted: one very tall basket, as handler keeps leaping out of it mid-flight

Existence confidence provisional
A generated photo of an anonymous stranger. It is not the person named.
Ronaldo places an empty plastic bottle into a recycling bin at a Bavarian recycling centre, striking a pose of triumph as it lands.
Location
Basket of a hot air balloon drifting above Funchal, Madeira, at 400 feet
Currently
Ballast handler, hanging in the air a bit too long
Last confirmed sighting
Tethered to a sandbag over Funchal harbour, mid-leap, Thursday
Observations
Can hang in the air for eleven minutes if a sandbag is mentioned.

He now works as ballast handler for a sightseeing balloon company above Funchal. His duties are to release sandbags when the pilot says 'drop'. Each release ends with a jump, a half-turn and a shout of 'Siuuu' that sends the basket sideways.

'I sell ice lollies at the launch field and I've seen it forty times,' said Brenda, a kiosk assistant. 'He lines the sandbag up, steps back, breathes in, and then takes it like a free kick. Last Tuesday it cleared the car park and a bin lorry.'

He is currently trying to release ballast without celebrating. Progress is slow: he managed three sandbags in a row on Friday, then headed the fourth over the harbour wall. The pilot has taped a small number 7 to the basket floor to give him somewhere to land.

Guidance for the public

Keep sandbags indoors and do not shout 'Siuuu' near anyone who is mid-flight.

Actual status (not satire) No death recorded as of 22 October 2026. Born 5 February 1985. Source: Wikidata

E&OE. The Registry accepts no liability for misclassification, temporal displacement or loss of personhood arising from this record. Photographs are computer-generated approximations and almost guaranteed to show a different person entirely.