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Status record

Tupac Shakur Musician

VERSES STITCHED INTO CARPET OFF M4

Motorway services carpet 14, Tupac 0: 'California Love' still leads in the diamond pattern

Existence confidence provisional
A generated photo of an anonymous stranger. It is not the person named.
Tupac Shakur sits at a library table in Helsinki, writing new lyrics in a notebook while reading his own published work, turning pages back and forth as though arguing with himself.
Location
Carpet of a services off the M4 near Reading, under the Costa seating
Currently
N/A
Last confirmed sighting
Third lozenge from the toilets, Tuesday, mid-verse
Observations
Can hear a rhyme scheme being hoovered from three counties away.

The chorus of 'California Love' has appeared in the diamond pattern of the carpet at a motorway services, repeating every four metres in burgundy and teal. Tupac Shakur has been on his knees there since breakfast, copying lines back into a notebook before they set. Staff Gail and Raj have moved the bins around him.

Tupac has tried rolling the carpet up, reading the verses aloud to make them return, and asking the cleaner Dennis to hoover backwards. The carpet resists because it has been fire-treated and the rhymes now scan better as upholstery. A trial run of 'Changes' left a stain shaped like a bandana.

Tupac's statement was passed on through the automatic hand dryer in the gents, which now speaks in a low, warm roar. It says he wants his words back, needs a pen that works and would like a coffee that isn't lukewarm. The dryer adds that it is sorry about the noise.

Guidance for the public

Please do not step on the chorus; walk around the bridge.

Actual status (not satire) Died 13 September 1996, aged 25. Source: Wikidata

E&OE. The Registry accepts no liability for misclassification, temporal displacement or loss of personhood arising from this record. Photographs are computer-generated approximations and almost guaranteed to show a different person entirely.