Registry of Existential Status
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Check the current status of a public figure

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Status record

Scarlett Johansson Actor

MISTAKEN FOR ROUNDABOUT, DRIVEN ROUND 11 TIMES

Item 7: Members noted that the roundabout at Hatch End has been looking at them in a husky voice again

Existence confidence provisional
A generated photo of an anonymous stranger. It is not the person named.
Scarlett Johansson waits at a tram stop in Lisbon wearing one glove, holding her phone to her ear as if hearing a voice.
Location
Middle island of the Hatch End roundabout, beside the ornamental shrubs, facing the Lost Property office
Currently
Central island of a roundabout, narrating directions in a husky whisper
Last confirmed sighting
Circling the A410 at 4mph, being waved at by a coach party
Observations
Can whisper a left turn so softly that three lorries apologise to each other.

Scarlett Johansson was mistaken for a roundabout by a delivery driver named Gareth, who then drove around her eleven times before noticing the pink wig. She has since been adopted by the council as a mini-roundabout of regional importance. She is fine, and says her voice carries well across the give-way lines.

Councillors tried a sign reading 'Person', but drivers took it as the name of the roundabout. A catsuit was worn to look more like a pedestrian, which made her look more like a bollard. Whispering 'Excuse me, I am an actor' only prompted traffic to slow and listen, as in Her.

Monday 8am: adopted by a gritting lorry. Tuesday 2pm: Samantha-voiced satnav complaints reach the council. Wednesday 6pm: a coach party applauds her landing pose. Friday 9am: planting committee adds a shrub. Saturday 11am: she is driven around, politely, for the 40th time.

Guidance for the public

Give way to the right, and to anyone in a pink wig.

Actual status (not satire) No death recorded as of 22 October 2026. Born 22 November 1984. Source: Wikidata

E&OE. The Registry accepts no liability for misclassification, temporal displacement or loss of personhood arising from this record. Photographs are computer-generated approximations and almost guaranteed to show a different person entirely.