Registry of Existential Status
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Status record

Ozzy Osbourne Musician

SHOUTS FOR SHARON FROM FUNCTION ROOM STAGE

Wanted: venue for one evening only, tribute act sold out until 2041, original unavailable for comment

Existence confidence provisional
A generated photo of an anonymous stranger. It is not the person named.
Ozzy Osbourne sips tea at a garden centre café, a carrier bag of satsumas beside him like a stage prop.
Location
Aston, Birmingham, in the function room above a carpet warehouse
Currently
N/A
Last confirmed sighting
Sound-checking in the Black Country, mid-shuffle, 11 minutes before himself
Observations
Can shout 'Sharon!' loudly enough to rearrange the furniture in Wolverhampton.

The singer now exists solely as his own tribute act, a six-piece called Ozzy Osbourne. Bookings run to 2041, mostly working men's clubs across the West Midlands. Doreen, who runs the box office in Aston, says the waiting list has its own waiting list.

He is currently working on a set that he describes as mostly the same songs, but more so. Rehearsals take place nightly in a function room above a carpet warehouse. Progress is good, although the tribute act keeps turning up slightly early and wearing the round spectacles.

The famous shuffle and the cry of 'I love you all' have survived in full. At every gig he waves both arms, shouts 'Sharon!' towards the cloakroom, and does 'Paranoid' at least twice. The merchandise stall sells crucifixes, bat-shaped keyrings and a mug that says nothing.

Guidance for the public

Book early, wear earplugs, and do not shout 'Sharon' unless you mean it.

Actual status (not satire) Died 22 July 2025, aged 76. Source: Wikidata

E&OE. The Registry accepts no liability for misclassification, temporal displacement or loss of personhood arising from this record. Photographs are computer-generated approximations and almost guaranteed to show a different person entirely.