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Status record

Nigel Farage

TURNS INTO RUMOUR AT CLACTON BOWLS CLUB

Item 7: members noted that the gentleman is not, strictly, present, but was in the pavilion again last Thursday

Existence confidence provisional
A generated photo of an anonymous stranger. It is not the person named.
Nigel Farage eats a sausage roll outside a convenience store, holding a pint of milk like a pint of beer.
Location
Clacton-on-Sea Bowls Club, under the second jack
Currently
Rumour, doing the rounds at Clacton bowls club
Last confirmed sighting
Mentioned twice between the tea urn and the scoreboard
Observations
Has been measured as exactly one pint wide by the club's retired surveyor.

Nigel Farage is a rumour circulating at the Clacton-on-Sea bowls club. He is passed along the benches between ends, usually beginning with 'Somebody said he was in the car park'. He has never been seen but he is always just leaving.

Club members now set a place for him at the tea table, and the pint pulled for him in the bar is gone by closing. The green is played with unusual confidence, and nobody will say why. Two members have taken to wearing check jackets to matches.

His statement was relayed by the club's tea urn, which hissed it at 3.15 on Sunday. It said he is perfectly well, that he is 'only popping out for a pint', and that he would like the jack moved slightly to the left.

Guidance for the public

Do not repeat him at the bowls club unless you are prepared to buy a round.

Actual status (not satire) No death recorded as of 22 October 2026. Born 3 April 1964. Source: Wikidata

E&OE. The Registry accepts no liability for misclassification, temporal displacement or loss of personhood arising from this record. Photographs are computer-generated approximations and almost guaranteed to show a different person entirely.