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Status record

J.K. Rowling Writer

BUILDS FULL-SIZE HOGWARTS FROM BLANCMANGE

Platform 9¾ queue tailing back to Level 2 car park; delays expected until the last chapter.

Existence confidence provisional
A generated photo of an anonymous stranger. It is not the person named.
J.K. Rowling eats a sausage roll at a taxi rank, holding it up like a wand while someone points the way.
Location
Loading bay C of a Jurong wholesale warehouse, beside the pallets of tinned lychees
Currently
Building a full-size Hogwarts Castle from lukewarm blancmange
Last confirmed sighting
Twelve miles of butter-paper off a Singapore forklift, Tuesday teatime
Observations
Can hear an owl change its mind from three postcodes away.

The author is building a full-size Hogwarts Castle out of blancmange in a rented bay behind a wholesale warehouse in Singapore. Forty-one turrets are standing, and the Great Hall has been sagging gently since Thursday. She works from a folding table with a notebook, a pot of tea and a ladle.

The Astronomy Tower is due to be topped out on 14 March, weather permitting, and the Quidditch pitch will be set in lime jelly from April. A tour of the dungeons runs every second Sunday, with a sorting at the door by a hat made from custard skin.

Experts disagree on whether the moat counts as a structural feature or a spill. Engineers say the Forbidden Forest cannot be grown in parsley sauce, while owl handlers insist the post can be delivered only to the shaky wing. Nobody has agreed which staircase is moving.

Guidance for the public

Do not lean on the turrets, and do not feed the moat.

Actual status (not satire) No death recorded as of 22 October 2026. Born 31 July 1965. Source: Wikidata

E&OE. The Registry accepts no liability for misclassification, temporal displacement or loss of personhood arising from this record. Photographs are computer-generated approximations and almost guaranteed to show a different person entirely.