Registry of Existential Status
Service update: Form M-3 is temporarily unavailable. Reclassifications back to “person” may take longer than usual.

Check the current status of a public figure

Maybe they didn't die, or were never alive. The Registry can tell you where they are, what they currently are, and how confident it is that they exist.

Famous people only. The Registry does not hold records on private individuals, minors or reality television personalities.

Status record

Graham Taylor Football

STANDS ON BUCKET, BELLOWS AT TURRETS

Sandcastle judging open Saturdays and Sundays, low tide only, shouting available on request

Existence confidence provisional
A generated photo of an anonymous stranger. It is not the person named.
Graham Taylor assembles a flat-pack shelving unit at a coin car wash in Nevada, studying an instruction diagram with the focus of a manager reviewing match footage as wind gusts scatter loose bolts.
Location
Beach at Vicarage Road, Watford, 40 yards beyond the away end
Currently
N/A
Last confirmed sighting
Crouched beside a moat, pointing at a turret and shouting
Observations
Can measure the length of a long ball in turnips from three postcodes away.

Graham Taylor now judges the junior sandcastle contest at a beach that appears behind Vicarage Road whenever the tide comes in. He wears a tracksuit, carries a clipboard and stands on a small upturned bucket to see the technical area, which is a rope and two flags.

Visitors keep asking whether he will mark down a castle for being built too short. He will. They also ask if he likes the moat, to which he says 'Do I not like that!' and awards extra points. Asked whether the turrets can be knocked, he says they cannot.

Monday, 9:00: judging begins, one castle immediately sent long towards the pier. Wednesday, 14:30: a turnip appears in the winning entry and is left in place. Friday, 11:15: he shouts instructions at the tide for forty minutes. Saturday, 16:00: results announced, all contested.

Guidance for the public

Do not build a short castle. Please keep clear of the technical area.

Actual status (not satire) Died 12 January 2017, aged 72. Source: Wikidata

E&OE. The Registry accepts no liability for misclassification, temporal displacement or loss of personhood arising from this record. Photographs are computer-generated approximations and almost guaranteed to show a different person entirely.