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Status record

Christina Applegate Actor

MAKES WEATHER VANE FACE THE SOFA

"The barometer is fine, the forecast is not mine," says a very tired sundial

Existence confidence provisional
A generated photo of an anonymous stranger. It is not the person named.
Christina Applegate reads a stall's price board at a night market, newsreader-straight, a biro behind one ear.
Location
Weather station behind a cricket pavilion near Tenterden, Kent, beside the roller
Currently
Weather station reader, delivering readings as a 1970s anchor
Last confirmed sighting
Logging rainfall at 6:40 a.m., reading it out in a newsreader voice
Observations
Can detect a cold front by the way it flicks its hair.

Christina Applegate has taken a post reading the rain gauge, wind sock and thermometer at a small weather station behind a cricket pavilion in Kent. Groundsman Derek says she arrives at dawn and reads every dial aloud to nobody, in a serious anchor voice. The Stevenson screen now has a desk lamp and a small jazz flute.

People keep asking whether the forecast is accurate. It is, though temperatures are given as 'sixty percent chance of big hair'. Asked if she is still Kelly Bundy, the answer is that the wind sock sometimes sits on the sofa. Yes, the pavilion tea urn is stocked.

Her statement was handed to a passing badger, who delivered it to the parish noticeboard: 'I have read the dials. The dials have read me. Sunny spells, 14 degrees, and I'd like everyone to stay classy.' The badger then asked for a lift to Ashford and was refused.

Guidance for the public

Carry an umbrella and expect the forecast to be delivered with great poise.

Actual status (not satire) No death recorded as of 22 October 2026. Born 25 November 1971. Source: Wikidata

E&OE. The Registry accepts no liability for misclassification, temporal displacement or loss of personhood arising from this record. Photographs are computer-generated approximations and almost guaranteed to show a different person entirely.