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Status record

Barack Obama Politics

CLICKS ALL DAY BESIDE BODØ FERRY LANE

Man counts every single thing he has ever done, using a clicker and a folding table

Existence confidence provisional
A generated photo of an anonymous stranger. It is not the person named.
Barack Obama studies a changed timetable in a hotel conference room, pausing for a long, deliberate moment before speaking.
Location
Folding table beside the Hurtigruten ferry queue at Bodø, Norway, lane three
Currently
Hand-counting every speech, handshake and 'Let me be clear'
Last confirmed sighting
Tally number 4,118,006, announced after a long and deliberate pause
Observations
Can pause for so long that nearby ferries finish loading and leave without him noticing.

He sits at a trestle table in a ferry queue outside Bodø with a brass hand clicker in each hand and a flask of tea. Everything he has ever done is being counted by hand, one click at a time, starting with the first time he said 'Let me be clear'. Passing drivers report that he nods at each car before moving on.

The count of speeches resumes Monday at a hotel conference room in Brussels, with handshakes to follow in March. Rolled-up shirt sleeves are expected from April, and 'Yes We Can' will be tallied in groups of three for the entire summer. Basketball games will be counted in quarters, subject to drizzle.

Many ask whether he will finish. He will not, but he has said the pauses are counted too, so it keeps going. Others ask if he is losing his place. He is not, and he marks each hundred by raising one finger and looking calmly at the middle distance.

Guidance for the public

Do not interrupt the count. Wait for the pause, then nod.

Actual status (not satire) No death recorded as of 22 October 2026. Born 4 August 1961. Source: Wikidata

E&OE. The Registry accepts no liability for misclassification, temporal displacement or loss of personhood arising from this record. Photographs are computer-generated approximations and almost guaranteed to show a different person entirely.