Registry of Existential Status
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Status record

Andrew Garfield Actor

DEMANDS RED AND BLUE HI-VIS FOR WALTZER

Correction: the Waltzer on Felixstowe seafront is not malfunctioning, it is being operated by a very sincere man

Existence confidence provisional
A generated photo of an anonymous stranger. It is not the person named.
Andrew Garfield looks at a noticeboard outside a Suffolk beach hut, one hand lifted as if about to fire a web.
Location
Beside the Dodgems on Felixstowe seafront, Suffolk, under a tarpaulin
Currently
Operating the Waltzer, swinging between cars on a web
Last confirmed sighting
Third car of the Waltzer, mid-spin, 4:10 p.m. Tuesday
Observations
Is legally allowed to cry at any ride with a minimum height of 1.2 metres.

Andrew Garfield took a job running the Waltzer at a seafront fairground after an advert in a chip shop window. He is fine and has asked for a hi-vis jacket in red and blue. The ride now runs for exactly as long as his emotional speech before each spin.

"He fired a rope of something sticky from his wrist and spun the cars himself," said Brenda, who sells candyfloss next door. "Then he cried a bit, said it was for the ride, and everyone got an extra go."

Staff have logged three things: a ticking egg timer taped to the control lever, a faint musical number coming from the generator, and a sticky web stretched between the ticket booth and the bins.

Guidance for the public

Please keep arms inside the cars and allow him to finish the speech.

Actual status (not satire) No death recorded as of 22 October 2026. Born 20 August 1983. Source: Wikidata

E&OE. The Registry accepts no liability for misclassification, temporal displacement or loss of personhood arising from this record. Photographs are computer-generated approximations and almost guaranteed to show a different person entirely.