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Status record

Steve Coogan Comedian

BROADCASTS TO SKIERS FROM 19-METRE TOWER

Motorists near Innsbruck urged not to ask lighthouse for directions to the sea, as it will answer at length

Existence confidence provisional
A generated photo of an anonymous stranger. It is not the person named.
Steve Coogan stirs a pot of tea at a café table, pausing mid-sentence, one finger raised in an 'Aha!'.
Location
A lighthouse in a field beside the ski-lift queue at Sölden, Austria
Currently
Hosting a late-night radio show from an inland lighthouse
Last confirmed sighting
Broadcasting from the lamp room, between the chairlift and a cheese van
Observations
Once out-argued a Travelodge breakfast buffet and was awarded the sausages.

A 19-metre lighthouse has been relocated to a field 600 kilometres from the nearest sea, directly beside the ski-lift queue at Sölden. Inside, Steve Coogan is settled in the lamp room with a microphone, a flask and a blazer on a hook. He has not asked to be moved and has declined to be moved back.

Skiers in the queue now hear a smooth voice drift down from the gallery, welcoming them to the day's conditions and asking whether anyone has tried the Mini-Metro of chairlifts. Lift attendants report that the queue moves 40 percent slower because people stop to answer. A cheese van has relocated nearer for the audience.

His habit of the pause is now used as a navigational aid: the beam sweeps round, stops, and holds for an uncomfortable four seconds before resuming. Ski instructors time lessons by the silences. Every hour he shouts 'Aha!' from the balcony, and the lamp flashes in agreement.

Guidance for the public

Do not ask the lighthouse for directions. Nod, wait for the pause, then leave.

Actual status (not satire) No death recorded as of 22 October 2026. Born 14 October 1965. Source: Wikidata

E&OE. The Registry accepts no liability for misclassification, temporal displacement or loss of personhood arising from this record. Photographs are computer-generated approximations and almost guaranteed to show a different person entirely.