Ronnie O'Sullivan
Lost: one clearance of the table, last seen going through the Dewey decimal system, reward offered
- Location
- Behind the bus shelter on Dame Street, Dublin, in the Reds section of a library
- Currently
- Potting library books into the correct order, cue in hand
- Last confirmed sighting
- Re-shelving 15 paperbacks at pace, beside a Dublin bus shelter
- Observations
- Can pot a hardback from across a reading room without disturbing the silence.
The fiction shelves of a branch library near a Dublin bus shelter have begun arranging themselves as a snooker frame: fifteen red spines, then one colour, then fifteen reds again. Librarian Orla noticed on a Tuesday when the Poetry section arrived at the counter in ascending order of value. Ronnie O'Sullivan is fine and is trying to get his clearance back.
He has attempted to re-shelve everything by hand, left-handed and then right-handed, at a pace the staff describe as upsetting to the carpet. He has also chalked a trolley and tried to pot the books back into their gaps. Each time, the books slot into pockets between the shelves and return as a black.
Members of the public ask whether the library is open, and it is, until half past five. They ask whether a 147 is now a valid loan limit, and it is not. They also ask whether he can play the large-print section with the rest, and he can, but only from an extension.
Please return books to the shelf in colour order and do not pot the staff.
Actual status (not satire) No death recorded as of 22 October 2026. Born 5 December 1975. Source: Wikidata
E&OE. The Registry accepts no liability for misclassification, temporal displacement or loss of personhood arising from this record. Photographs are computer-generated approximations and almost guaranteed to show a different person entirely.