Registry of Existential Status
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Check the current status of a public figure

Maybe they didn't die, or were never alive. The Registry can tell you where they are, what they currently are, and how confident it is that they exist.

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Status record

Queen Camilla Royal

SWAPPED FOR GNOME, WAVES FROM PLINTH

Has the Queen been replaced by a garden ornament? Partly.

Existence confidence provisional
A generated photo of an anonymous stranger. It is not the person named.
Queen Camilla trims a hedge with a soup spoon at a garden centre café, wearing a pastel hat.
Location
Beside a multi-storey car park in Frankfurt, between the bay trees and a cement hedgehog
Currently
Standing very still by a pond, accepting bouquets
Last confirmed sighting
Level 3 of a Frankfurt car park, next to a stone heron
Observations
Can tell a delphinium from a foxglove by the sound of a passing hat.

The Queen was swapped, by an honest mistake, with a concrete garden ornament of similar height during a delivery to a Frankfurt car park. The ornament, a smiling gnome in a pastel coat, is currently attending her engagements in Surrey. She is fine, and has been placed on a plinth beside a decorative pond.

"I thought she was an unusually good one," said Ingrid, a delivery driver who loaded the pallet. "She was waving at the lorry, and the other one never waves. I assumed it was the premium range, so I put her by the pond."

She is working on being returned to the right garden while holding a pose suited to an ornament. Progress is slow, as three visitors have already tried to water her. She has reviewed the hedges, found them acceptable, and is awaiting a lorry.

Guidance for the public

Do not water the ornament. Check it for a handbag before purchasing.

Actual status (not satire) No death recorded as of 22 October 2026. Born 17 July 1947. Source: Wikidata

E&OE. The Registry accepts no liability for misclassification, temporal displacement or loss of personhood arising from this record. Photographs are computer-generated approximations and almost guaranteed to show a different person entirely.