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Status record

Ian McKellen Actor

GUARDS LEISURE CENTRE WITH WHISTLE AND STAFF

Pool open weekdays 7am to 9pm; lifeguard available for deep-end prophecy until the whistle

Existence confidence provisional
A generated photo of an anonymous stranger. It is not the person named.
Ian McKellen pours tea at a table in a Cotswolds tea room, holding the pot aloft with both hands as though it were a chalice of poisoned wine, whilst a pigeon observes from the garden path.
Location
Poolside chair, Limehouse Leisure Centre, overlooking the shallow end
Currently
Lifeguard at a leisure centre, forbidding passage at the deep end
Last confirmed sighting
Tuesday, 6:40am, unlocking the pool doors with a staff
Observations
Has been told the pool's chlorine level is a matter for wizards and has agreed.

He took a job as a lifeguard at a municipal leisure centre in east London and has since been issued a whistle, a red float and a lanyard. Swimmers report that anyone approaching the deep end without armbands is told, at full volume, that they shall not pass.

His statement was relayed by the pool's vending machine, which dispenses it on a slip with every hot chocolate. It reads: 'I am a servant of the Flame of Splash. The lane rope is not to be crossed. Please shower first.'

Monday 7am: first shift, hat declined by management. Tuesday 11:15am: staff held across the lane rope, a toddler complied. Thursday 2pm: aqua-aerobics class addressed as 'fellowship'. Saturday 6pm: float used as a staff, until asked to stop.

Guidance for the public

Walk, do not run, and shower before attempting any passage at the deep end.

Actual status (not satire) No death recorded as of 22 October 2026. Born 25 May 1939. Source: Wikidata

E&OE. The Registry accepts no liability for misclassification, temporal displacement or loss of personhood arising from this record. Photographs are computer-generated approximations and almost guaranteed to show a different person entirely.