Registry of Existential Status
Service update: Form M-3 is temporarily unavailable. Reclassifications back to “person” may take longer than usual.

Check the current status of a public figure

Maybe they didn't die, or were never alive. The Registry can tell you where they are, what they currently are, and how confident it is that they exist.

Famous people only. The Registry does not hold records on private individuals, minors or reality television personalities.

Status record

Harry Kane Football

SCORES AFTER HE'S FINISHED CELEBRATING IT

Harry Kane arrives at every goal half a frame after the ball, and nobody can prove it

Existence confidence provisional
A generated photo of an anonymous stranger. It is not the person named.
Harry Kane waits in a post office queue, taking three careful steps back before stepping forward to the counter.
Location
Beside the village hall noticeboard, Hebden Bridge, Yorkshire, one frame behind the noticeboard
Currently
Practising penalties for a ball that has already arrived
Last confirmed sighting
Taking a penalty at the village hall car park, 0.04 seconds late
Observations
Can hear a net ripple from three postcodes away, but only after it has stopped.

Harry Kane now exists at a slightly lower frame rate than everyone else, and the Hebden Bridge village hall has the footage to show it. During Thursday's five-a-side, his run into the box was seen in eleven distinct stills. Caretaker Brenda says he still scores, but the goal appears a moment after he has finished celebrating it.

Kane is due to appear in the hall car park every weekday at 6.15pm until the end of the month, with a rest day on the Sunday that will be along shortly. A second run is pencilled in for the next school half term, subject to the frames being available. Tickets are not required, although a steady hand with a phone is advised.

He is currently working on a penalty routine that allows for the delay, taking his usual measured steps back and a long stare at the keeper while the ball waits politely. Progress is mixed: the keeper has dived correctly four times, and the ball has gone in on each occasion, slightly late. Kane describes the work as steady.

Guidance for the public

Please do not applaud until the goal has finished arriving.

Actual status (not satire) No death recorded as of 22 October 2026. Born 28 July 1993. Source: Wikidata

E&OE. The Registry accepts no liability for misclassification, temporal displacement or loss of personhood arising from this record. Photographs are computer-generated approximations and almost guaranteed to show a different person entirely.