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Status record

Dua Lipa Musician

LEVITATES CHEDDAR AT VERMONT FARM STAND

Cheese counter 4, Customers 0, as Levitating plays over the cheddar for a third consecutive shift

Existence confidence provisional
A generated photo of an anonymous stranger. It is not the person named.
Dua Lipa chooses a birthday card at a night market stall, striking a pose beneath a flickering light like a disco ball.
Location
Behind the cheese counter of a farm stand outside Brattleboro, Vermont, beside the unlabelled cheddar
Currently
Cheese counter assistant, wrapping orders in disco-ball foil
Last confirmed sighting
Wrapping a quarter-pound of sharp cheddar, mid-spin, at 10:42 on a Thursday
Observations
Can slice a wheel of Gouda into exactly 40 dance moves before the till opens.

The subject has taken a post at the cheese counter of a Vermont farm stand, working Thursday to Sunday in a hairnet and apron. Owner Brenda Whitcombe says the cheddar has started to levitate a few centimetres above the slab whenever the till drawer shuts. Customers are advised that the Brie now arrives pre-choreographed.

The subject is booked on the counter through the autumn, with a Future Nostalgia Tasting Residency announced for every weekend until the first frost. Dates include a one-night Gruyère showcase on the 14th and a sold-out Wensleydale matinee, both subject to the weather and the wheel supply.

Staff first asked her to stop the music, but the cheese wire hums a bassline of its own accord. A sign reading 'New Rules: Taste Before You Buy' was then posted, which only made the queue form in formation. A cloche was tried, and has since been worn as a hat.

Guidance for the public

Do not ask for the cheddar to come down; it will do so when the song ends.

Actual status (not satire) No death recorded as of 22 October 2026. Born 22 August 1995. Source: Wikidata

E&OE. The Registry accepts no liability for misclassification, temporal displacement or loss of personhood arising from this record. Photographs are computer-generated approximations and almost guaranteed to show a different person entirely.