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Status record

Donald Trump Politics

GOLD LIFT SKIPS FLOORS, HE STAYS ABOARD

Management confirms the lift is working perfectly and that every floor it reaches is still under construction.

Existence confidence provisional
A generated photo of an anonymous stranger. It is not the person named.
Donald Trump asks for directions at a tram stop in Lisbon, holding the street map like a document he is about to sign.
Location
Gold lift beside Fifth Avenue, between floors 58 and 58 and a half
Currently
Running a boardroom between floors, taking bookings
Last confirmed sighting
Tuesday, 4.10pm, pressing a button marked 'Penthouse, Again'
Observations
Once described a lift so thoroughly that it gained three storeys out of politeness.

He now lives in a gold-plated lift that stops only at floors that do not exist, including 61A, 140 and 'the good one'. Doors open on pleasant carpet and a view of nothing, and he carries on working from the back wall. Staff at the Fifth Avenue lobby hear the chime roughly every eleven minutes.

The public keep asking whether he can simply get out, and he can, onto a floor that is not there. They ask if the lift is large, and it is, according to him, the largest and the best. They also ask if a boardroom fits inside, and it does, with a table and a sound system for firing buttons.

Engineers have tried pressing every button, then none, then a different one. A surveyor measured the shaft and reported that it is taller on the inside than the tower. The lift was renamed by him in larger lettering, which only added another floor.

Guidance for the public

Do not press 'Penthouse'. Wait for the chime and decline the floor politely.

Actual status (not satire) No death recorded as of 22 October 2026. Born 14 June 1946. Source: Wikidata

E&OE. The Registry accepts no liability for misclassification, temporal displacement or loss of personhood arising from this record. Photographs are computer-generated approximations and almost guaranteed to show a different person entirely.