Registry of Existential Status
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Check the current status of a public figure

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Status record

Brad Pitt Actor

FEEDS QUARTERS TO VACUUM, DRAFTS PART TWO

Registry confirms the sequel is being written by the original, who has stopped taking notes from anyone else

Existence confidence provisional
A generated photo of an anonymous stranger. It is not the person named.
Brad Pitt tries to fit a duvet into its cover in a Texas drive-through queue, calmly eating a snack, a little late.
Location
Behind a coin car wash outside Elko, Nevada, in bay four
Currently
Drafting Brad Pitt 2, third act still a car wash
Last confirmed sighting
Bay four, Elko, pitching himself a heist, 11:40 a.m. Tuesday
Observations
Once ate a sandwich so casually that three casinos reopened their vaults out of politeness.

Brad Pitt is alive and is writing a sequel to himself on a laminated menu board in bay four of a coin car wash outside Elko. He feeds quarters into the vacuum to keep the lights on. Attendants say he nibbles a snack throughout, as he did in Ocean's Eleven.

The script currently runs to 140 pages, all of them about a crew planning to rob a different, slightly smaller Brad Pitt. The first rule of the sequel is that nobody mentions the sequel, which has made notes difficult. Act two is going well apart from the soap, which keeps turning up in the plot.

A table read is set for the second Thursday of next month in the foam brush bay, with a short tour of three further car washes to follow. Tickets are one dollar in quarters. A box will be opened at the final show, and it will be the right size for a head.

Guidance for the public

Do not ask about the sequel; if asked, deny there is a sequel.

Actual status (not satire) No death recorded as of 22 October 2026. Born 18 December 1963. Source: Wikidata

E&OE. The Registry accepts no liability for misclassification, temporal displacement or loss of personhood arising from this record. Photographs are computer-generated approximations and almost guaranteed to show a different person entirely.